Thursday, April 19, 2018

Connoisseurs


         

          
            “We’re sure about this?”
            “As can be. Gareth plugged this as the golden egg—“
            “—you mean the goose that laid?”
            “It’s all the same to me.”
            “Hmm. Kinda pretty from my purview.”
            “The lines I’m going to cross? with my—wha’dja say the other day—effluvia?”
            “That was drunken talk—let’s sober up the plan.”
            “Go over it again?”
            “Well, now we’re here—sans Gareth—with no time for a dry run.”
            “And no need. The glycerin will loose my lunch and all I have to do is aim.“
            “As long as you don’t chicken out.”
            “Or goose out, as the case may be—“
            “And once the deed is done?”
            “Remember not to run.”
            “We want the guard to see it anyway. Not the glycerin, of course—”
            “Gareth said ‘drink every drop, they won’t detect’—”
            “—Gareth knows it all.”
            “He’s trusting you to do it, though.”
            “Both of us have got a role.”
            “Let’s stroll around before the guard comes by.”
            “The camera has seen us talking all the while.”
            “We’re taking all things in—the camera assumes we’re wondering.”
            “So, now we wander to the right: I can see why Gareth warned us not to mix them up.”
            “Metal can be washed off with a hose—“
            “What makes you sure they wouldn’t do the same to ‘golden egg’?”
            “What makes Gareth chief restorer in the bowels of this place?”
            “Expertise.”
            “Exactly so. He wouldn’t wash a canvas with a hose.”
            “Yet he’s sure they’ll take it down?”
            “As long as there are protocols. The cause to purify—”
            “—nature’s laws to putrefy. He told that to me, too.”
            “Being on the same page matters in this world.”
            “Most of us got many pages.”
            “Some of us are open books.“
            “Open to an art heist: nice!”
            “Shush, you nincompoop. Fortunes open many ways, but shutter when exposed.”
            “You think Gareth will be square with us, once he sells the painting?”
            “He’ll need to get it stolen from his workspace—”
            “—probably through us again—”
            “—well then he’s doubled up his debt. Tripled, if we make the sale.”
            “Hah! he sits back so as to have us do the dirty work…”
            “Or we sit back as tourists simply getting sick.”
            “Only I am drinking glycerin.”
            “But I’m the one they’ll body frisk.”
            “Just to find an empty plastic water flask.”
            “That’s the travesty of just…”
            “Now you’re the one that’s goosin’ out—“
            “No time for that—the guard is slowly making strides this way.”
            “I gotta chug that stupid stuff—”
            “Be sure the timing’s right… Act a little feverish… Amble toward the golden egg… Furl your brow as if it strikes you odd… He’s watching now.”
            “Out of—ugh—the corner of your eye?”
            “I’m turning your way now, pretending some concern.”
            “Hold my hand, I’m…”
            “Baby, you don’t look so good! What the hell is going on?”
            “That Egg McMuffin!…cherry pie… oh, my God…”
            “Do you need to walk around?”
            “Let me stand a moment, jus’ to let it pass.”
            “Count to ten and back again—breathe each time between!”
            “Maybe there’s a nurse in here.”
            “The guard is coming—quick!”
            “Yes, sir, not so feeling up to snuff…”
            “Could I lead you to a bench?”
            “Would be great, but…”
            “Baby, why’re you standing there?”
            “Demon, get thee OUT of me!... Ohh,…Rruahh,…Xcheh,…Oauff…”
            “There, there, son, now you’ll make it to this bench.”
            “Where,… did?...Holy shit, I missed!”
            “Gareth will be pissed.”


Daniel Martin Vold Lamken (2017)

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