“We’re sure
about this?”
“As can be.
Gareth plugged this as the golden egg—“
“—you mean
the goose that laid?”
“It’s all
the same to me.”
“Hmm. Kinda
pretty from my purview.”
“The lines
I’m going to cross? with my—wha’dja say the other day—effluvia?”
“That was
drunken talk—let’s sober up the plan.”
“Go over it
again?”
“Well, now
we’re here—sans Gareth—with no time
for a dry run.”
“And no
need. The glycerin will loose my lunch and all I have to do is aim.“
“As long as
you don’t chicken out.”
“Or goose
out, as the case may be—“
“And once
the deed is done?”
“Remember
not to run.”
“We want
the guard to see it anyway. Not the glycerin, of course—”
“Gareth
said ‘drink every drop, they won’t detect’—”
“—Gareth
knows it all.”
“He’s
trusting you to do it, though.”
“Both of us
have got a role.”
“Let’s
stroll around before the guard comes by.”
“The camera
has seen us talking all the while.”
“We’re
taking all things in—the camera assumes we’re wondering.”
“So, now we
wander to the right: I can see why Gareth warned us not to mix them up.”
“Metal can
be washed off with a hose—“
“What makes
you sure they wouldn’t do the same to ‘golden egg’?”
“What makes
Gareth chief restorer in the bowels of this place?”
“Expertise.”
“Exactly
so. He wouldn’t wash a canvas with a hose.”
“Yet he’s
sure they’ll take it down?”
“As long as
there are protocols. The cause to purify—”
“—nature’s
laws to putrefy. He told that to me, too.”
“Being on
the same page matters in this world.”
“Most of us
got many pages.”
“Some of us
are open books.“
“Open to an
art heist: nice!”
“Shush, you
nincompoop. Fortunes open many ways, but shutter when exposed.”
“You think
Gareth will be square with us, once he sells the painting?”
“He’ll need
to get it stolen from his workspace—”
“—probably
through us again—”
“—well then
he’s doubled up his debt. Tripled, if we make the sale.”
“Hah! he
sits back so as to have us do the dirty work…”
“Or we sit
back as tourists simply getting sick.”
“Only I am drinking glycerin.”
“But I’m
the one they’ll body frisk.”
“Just to find
an empty plastic water flask.”
“That’s the
travesty of just…”
“Now you’re
the one that’s goosin’ out—“
“No time
for that—the guard is slowly making strides this way.”
“I gotta
chug that stupid stuff—”
“Be sure
the timing’s right… Act a little feverish… Amble toward the golden egg… Furl
your brow as if it strikes you odd… He’s watching now.”
“Out of—ugh—the
corner of your eye?”
“I’m
turning your way now, pretending some concern.”
“Hold my
hand, I’m…”
“Baby, you
don’t look so good! What the hell is going on?”
“That Egg
McMuffin!…cherry pie… oh, my God…”
“Do you
need to walk around?”
“Let me
stand a moment, jus’ to let it pass.”
“Count to
ten and back again—breathe each time between!”
“Maybe
there’s a nurse in here.”
“The guard
is coming—quick!”
“Yes, sir,
not so feeling up to snuff…”
“Could I
lead you to a bench?”
“Would be
great, but…”
“Baby,
why’re you standing there?”
“Demon, get
thee OUT of me!... Ohh,…Rruahh,…Xcheh,…Oauff…”
“There,
there, son, now you’ll make it to this bench.”
“Where,…
did?...Holy shit, I missed!”
“Gareth
will be pissed.”
Daniel Martin Vold
Lamken (2017)
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